Clowning Around
by writable
Summary: "I hate clowns," she blurted. Swarek's eyebrows lifted. "I mean, they're just creepy. The whole red hair, red nose, white face combo was never exactly my type." - Andy has a bit of an irrational fear, and our man Swarek is there to help her out.


**SETUP: Doesn't take place in any time in particular, but I suppose it works best before the whole Andy/Luke thing. Andy has a bit of an irrational fear, and our man Swarek is there to make it a little better. x) Subtle McSwarek fluff with just a sprinkling of supporting cast~ **

**OTHER: I'm such a huge fan of reviews, I seriously think they're one of the best concepts in the virtual universe. XD I really hope that if you give this story a read, you'll leave a review letting me know what you thought of it. But even if you can't, thanks a ton for checking it out, and I hope you enjoy it! :)**

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><p>"What's so funny, sarge?"<p>

Sam looked at Sergeant Frank Best in bemusement as the man lowered his head, unable to wipe the grin from his face.

"Oakman."

The meeting room was filled with knowing laughter. Andy turned to Nash, her brow creasing.

"Who's Oakman?"

"No idea."

Gail tipped backwards in her chair, a smirk on her lips.

"You've never heard of Oakman?" she said tauntingly, "Everybody knows that—"

"I'd prefer if you'd let me explain, Officer Peck," Sergeant Best interrupted, waving a few large photographs in his hand, "A picture's worth a thousand words." Gail leaned forwards again, visibly disappointed. Andy and Nash exchanged pleased glances.

"This," the sergeant continued, displaying the first picture on the white board behind him with a magnet, "Is Oakman. And so is this. And this... and this." He pointed first to a picture of a tree, albeit a horribly disproportional one whose trunk looked suspiciously like corduroy. Andy's gaze moved to the second picture, one of an enormous billiard ball. Beside it was a picture of an extraordinarily tame-looking lion. And next to it was... was that a _mermaid? _

"He's a lunatic that likes to play dress up," Best offered, catching a glance of McNally's perplexed expression, "He's harmless, never been armed. Normally we only get the guy for minor disturbances." He pointed to the picture of the life-size billiard ball. "Hurling himself at people in a bar." His hand trailed towards the picture of the mermaid, and he paused thoughtfully before saying anything else. "Indecent exposure at an aquarium."

Everyone laughed again, and McNally found herself joining in.

"Well, what is he this time?" she asked, leaning forward in her chair.

The sergeant grinned. "A clown."

Andy cursed.

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><p>"So your first Oakman case, huh? Excited?"<p>

Swarek bit into his hot dog loudly, trying in vain not to get any mustard on the steering wheel.

"Sure." Andy rested the side of her head against the passenger side window and shut her eyes.

Swarek's brow creased. "Yeah, you _sound _it." Polishing off his hot dog, he threw the wrapper onto the floor and glanced at her sideways in concern.

"Something the matter?" he asked, turning a corner towards an enormous, red and white tent. He swore he heard her curse under her breath.

Andy shook her head.

"Come on, McNally," Swarek countered, "There's no reason to be sad. We're going to the greatest show on earth, you know." He grinned handsomely.

"I hate clowns," she blurted. Swarek's eyebrows lifted. "I mean, they're just _creepy_," she continued, "The whole red hair, red nose, white face combo was never exactly my type."

Swarek gave her a wry grin. "You're a cop, and _face paint _is what scares you?" He pulled into a vacant parking spot and pointed to where two pinned back folds in the tent formed a door. "Come on, McNally."

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><p>Andy's hands flitted against the gun in her holster as she passed by a pair of clowns. They had taken their wigs off, seemingly finished with their act, revealing heads of relatively normal, although matted, hair. She eyed them with suspicion, her gaze trailing across their baggy costumes and back up to their strangely out-of-place brown locks. Somehow they seemed even more unnerving without the fiery tops that she'd grown accustomed to seeing. As she trailed behind Swarek anxiously, she hoped silently that they would simply put them back on.<p>

Swarek stopped before she had a chance to realize it, causing her to bump into his back. He turned around, scowling, and she nodded her head towards the two clowns behind her.

"_Distracted,_" she muttered. He locked eyes with her before turning completely to see what she was referring to. Then, with a boyish grin that Andy found all-too appealing, he suggested something that made her want to slap it right off his face.

"Let's go talk to them."

And before she could stop him, he'd left.

"Hey, you two!"

Andy stood helplessly in the midst of the circus excitement before deciding to follow him. _God help him when we get back, _she thought angrily, taking her place a few cautious inches behind him. _I swear I'm going to wring his neck._ Her gaze drifted towards the souvenir shop.

"McNally?"

She broke out of her reverie, and turned back to meet Swarek's eyes.

"Sorry, what?"

"They said that he's in the back," he explained slowly, gesturing towards the men. "Apparently he had just started to harass the trapeze girls when they decided to call us." With a glint in his eye, he added, "Would you like to ask these fine men anything else?" He wiggled his eyebrows mischievously while the clowns stood with visible disinterest.

"_No,_" she whispered, grabbing his wrist, "Let's just go."

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><p>"So why the aversion to clowns, exactly?" Swarek asked, falling into step with McNally as they headed for the back room.<p>

"Have you looked at them?" Andy gestured incredulously to all the painted faces, stifling a shudder. "They're like the fully-clothed equivalent of strippers." Swarek's lips twitched amusedly.

"Because the bright yellow and red checkered shoes totally scream 'daddy issues'? Yeah, I see that." He grinned playfully. Andy glared.

"Come on, McNally," he pressed, increasing his pace as he tried to keep up, "What's the real reason?"

She sighed.

"My seventh birthday," she confessed quietly, "Dad brought in a clown. It was all good until he opened his mouth. The most traumatizing drunk I've seen in my life." She shook her head and gave into a bitter laugh.

Swarek's brow furrowed.

"He was drunk?"

"Thoroughly and completely wasted," Andy nodded. "Turned out that my father had forgotten about my party all along and paid one of his friends from the bar last minute to show up and... make it a living nightmare." She exhaled loudly.

"Nice dad," Swarek offered sympathetically.

Andy smiled sadly. "The best."

Swarek opened his mouth to say something more, but closed it once he realized that they'd approached the back room. He heard the irritated voices of women and lifted his brow at the insults they hurled in their light, airy voices.

"Don't touch us, you bastard, or we'll—"

"Whoa," Swarek interrupted, ushering McNally inside before he stepped in himself. "What do we have here?" His gaze settled on the figure of a disheveled clown whose eyes darted around wildly. His makeup looked surprisingly realistic, Swarek noted with a smirk. It was like the guy was constantly trying to win some nonexistent Halloween costume parade.

"At first we thought he was one of us," a petite woman started, whose hair was styled elaborately atop a small, pale head, "Then he started saying all this crap and we called you guys." She blew air through her lips in relief.

"He's a real nutjob, this one," another voice chimed in, "He keeps muttering something about how he has to _top the mermaid._ Sounds like a sicko to me."

Andy bit back her laughter at that one.

Swarek turned towards Harold Oakman, clicking his tongue condescendingly. "Come on, Oakman, how many times has it been now? Five? Six?"

"Five," the man sputtered back, "And I didn't do anything wrong! I was trying to talk them into letting me into their act." The women chuckled in amusement at the thought of the man trapezing with them.

"Well, we're gonna take you back now," Andy added, "I don't think it's the right time to..."

"Test out your skills," Swarek finished, chuckling. "Yeah, you know, maybe you could show us once you're at the precinct. I'm sure Sergeant Best would just _love _to have a look..."

The man nodded emphatically, clearly unaware of the sarcasm.

"I'd just love to show _you_," he added, reaching out towards Andy. She stiffened, clenching her jaw against the image of his greasy, white face and yellow teeth. Her gaze rested upon his malevolent rainbow curls. Before he could touch her, Swarek pushed the man's arm back against his chest, shaking his head in displeasure.

"Don't touch her," he said gruffly, before clearing his throat. "See, I don't know why you would do something like that. Now I gotta take you back in handcuffs." He reached for the metal clasps tucked in at his hip, securing them across the man's wrists. Harold groaned in annoyance, and Andy gave Swarek a look of gratitude.

"Come on, Bozo," he said to Harold, his eyes still locked with Andy's. "Time to go."

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><p>Andy slid into the rec room, glancing around for a tousled head of dark hair.<p>

"McNally!"

She turned in the direction of her name, and smiled to herself at the sight of Swarek staring intently at his enormous slice of pizza. She walked towards him, grinning, and set a plastic bag down on the table in front of him.

"What's this?" he asked around a mouthful of pizza.

"A gift." She winked coyly before pulling out a tangle of rainbow curls. Placing the wig snugly atop Swarek's head, she took a step back to admire her work.

"What the—"

Using his stupor to her advantage, Andy pulled out a second trinket from her bag, and strapped the bright red clown nose onto his face.

"You know," she said mischievously, leaning forward, "Somehow, on you, it's not so bad." She reached out to squeeze his nose fondly before walking off in laughter.

"Nice look," Detective Barber called out from across the room, with a mocking wink.

Swarek scowled.

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading, and I hope you'll leave a review! :) <strong>


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